Tag Archives: collections

Is Your Clutter A Sign Of Unresolved Grief?

There are many different reasons we find it hard to let things go…dreams of wanting to be a different size, fond memories, thinking we’ll need things one day, anticipating life changes. But sometimes our grip on things is based on unresolved grief. It is like a different form of nostalgia and it’s something that could be overcome.

We often associate grieving with death, but really any kind of a loss can cause grief. Divorce, change in health status or physical abilities, marriage, moving, retirement, graduation, birth of a child. Even positive life events can generate feelings of loss and grief and increase our attachment to things.  Nostalgia is fine, but when it starts compromising our present, there is a problem.

Unresolved Grief

Unresolved grief is a result of unfinished business, getting stuck in loop of remorse, regret and disappointment, being unfulfilled in “what could have been” or “what could have been said or done.”  The feelings may persist years after the event.  It may be that you don’t become fully aware of the need for resolution until decades later.

You may be experiencing unresolved grief when you are trying to deal with stuff that you know is getting in your way but is just too painful to deal with…it triggers emotions that are overwhelming; pain, anger, sadness.  Especially if the stuff has been there a long time.

Examples:

  • Boxes of leftovers from an “X” that feel unpleasant – even toxic — yet can’t bring yourself to deal with?
  • An overloaded garage populated by tools from a beloved deceased parent
  • A closet full of toys and games from a child who is moved out and moved on

What can you do about it?

  • Recognize that we are socialized to avoid grief and loss, to ignore or repress lingering feelings of sadness. Often our friends and family, while well-meaning, are incapable of addressing those feelings of loss.
  • In getting organized, we can face and name these feelings and try to “get under the hood” of our attachments. Sometimes that alone may shift your perspective.
  • Don’t go it alone!

Grief support groups art generally are aimed at people who have experienced a recent death or trauma. It’s usually about providing a safe place to share feelings with others who have had a similar experience.

There is a specific form of counseling called Grief Recovery Method®.  The goal of this method is to resolve the grief. This is a process designed to deal with all types of loss and bring you to a point of resolution of your grief.  You can work with a friend or on your own, in a facilitated group, or one-on-one or virtually with a trained coach.

We are grateful to Tina Kopko, LMFT for her presentation which introduced our local chapter of Professional Organizers to the concept of unresolved grief.

 

Tina Kopko

Tina Kopko, LMFT provides the Grief Recovery Method® to individuals and groups

 

 

 

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Filed under Decluttering, disorganization, Guest Experts, Memorabilia, Perspective

Organizing Your Legacy

Is there anything that you wouldn't want others to deal with after you're gone?

Is there anything that you wouldn’t want others to deal with after you’re gone?

Don’t you hate cleaning up after other people’s messes? Anyone who has a roommate may have had this experience – dishes left in the sink, wet towels on the bathroom floor, laundry half done in the laundry room. What a drag to have to take care of other’s people’s stuff that they could have dealt with themselves!

How does this relate to organizing? Many times we’ve worked with clients who have brought us in to organize their homes after having dealt with cluttered estates of their parents or other relatives. They’re very aware of not wanting to leave behind the same mess for their children or friends.

It’s easy to think that’s a “someday project” – the reality is weeding is MUCH simpler and easier when it happens regularly, not put off and saved until accumulation is overwhelming.

Here are some key areas to weed regularly and keep under control:

  • Paperwork –Wading through decades of accumulated bills, account statements, articles, contracts, etc. trying to figure out what is important is a nightmare for a survivor.
  • Personal documents – Any surprising information in those old diaries and journals that you’d be loathe to have someone read after you’re gone?
  • Collections of value. If you collect anything of value, have it appraised and take care of it while you are around so when you’re gone it’s easier to deal with as a collection.
  • Collections of sentiment or hobby – If you collect things that are valuable to you but not necessarily on the open market keep the collection organized and reasonably sized. Identify a friend or organization that may make use of it after you’re gone.
  • Garage and storage areas – These are easy to get out of hand because typically there’s lots of space and it’s easy to just let older items linger in the back corners. This includes household hardware, glue, rope, paint, tools, sport supplies, wood scraps. Make regular trips to the household hazardous waste center.
  • Toiletries and cleaning supplies – Old makeup, shampoo, travel size items, specialty cleaners…these easily accumulate clogging up valuable storage space and creating a disposal chore when you’re gone.

As you are weeding, extract and keep these items separate and easy to find:

  • Key Financial Documents – Current insurance policies, bills, and estate information need to be immediately accessible if something happens to you. Purge old copies to avoid confusion.
  • Will/Trust – You do have one, right?
  • Safe Deposit Box – Information and key

If this feels overwhelming already, get help!

Utilize family and friends, hire an organizer and consult with an estate attorney. Two great Bay Area estate attorneys we recommend are Richard Lee of Blythe, Lee & Associates, 510-272-0200 x304 and Alexandria M. Ayoub of Ferguson & Berland, 510-548-9005.

What small action could you take this week to help take care of your own business so others won’t have to when you’re gone?

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Filed under Decluttering, Empty Nest, Garage, General Organizing, Memorabilia, Perspective, Reduce/Recyle/Reuse, Storage, Strategies

Selling Your Collectibles for Profit

Is your collection a potential goldmine?

Is your collection a potential goldmine?

Consider this scenario – a person has a huge collection of books in boxes and shelves that they have been able to keep stored for many years — literally a few thousand books. Now they are losing their free storage space and under a time constraint to get all the books out but don’t have room in their home to just move them there.

The issue is within the collection are numerous valuable items that could be re-sold. What should the person do? Spend the time to dig through the collection for the gems and potentially make some good money? Pay to move and store the books elsewhere to have enough time to comb through the collection more thoroughly? Cut their losses and sell the bulk to a book dealer? Donate everything?

Lots of people face these tough choices with their collections. Here are some frank questions to ask yourself if you’re considering selling off collectibles:

  • How badly do you need the money?
  • Do you know for sure you can make money on the items?
  • How much time and money will it cost you to make the money?
  • Will what you’re likely to make compensate you for your time and expenses?

Consider these costs and don’t discount the costs that aren’t monetary:

  • Hiring help to prep and sell items
  • Making time for researching the market
  • Having an appraiser do an evaluation
  • Your time manning a garage sale
  • Your time preparing items for resale
  • Your space that can be taken up storing items waiting to be sold
  • Your peace of mind and security being compromised dealing with strangers

Can you envision the entire collection gone with no money in hand?

How would you feel? Would you feel lighter? Would you be horrified?

Give yourself some boundaries – consider setting a deadline for completion and determine a budget for the preparation process. At the end of the day, donation is usually a way to distribute your possessions most easily.

This isn’t to say it’s never worth the time & money to sell items. It’s always for you to decide how your time and money are best spent. Being honest with yourself and having clarity about what is involved in the selling process is essential for making sound decisions.

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Filed under Decluttering, Empty Nest, Garage, General Organizing, Memorabilia, Perspective, Reduce/Recyle/Reuse, Storage, Strategies