Tag Archives: perfectionism

Do You Expect Too Much? Give Yourself a Break!

expectations girl

Do any of these feel familiar?

  • Things are getting done but feels like it’s only by blind luck or chance rather than design
  • You’re barely treading water with all the tasks, apt, obligations on your plate
  • You fantasize about more time for leisure or healthy habits like yoga, meditation, exercise?
  • You feel like a fraud? You hold it together in your professional life but fear if people saw how you managed your home or your personal life, they’d be shocked?
  • You say “no” all the time and it still isn’t enough?

If the list above feels familiar, stop and reflect on how you are already accomplishing a full and active life.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do critical items such as bills and deadlines mostly get handled?
  • Are your kids going off to school fed and clothed?
  • Are your kids’ interests being supported?
  • Do you move your body or do some form of physical activity?
  • Do you maintain regular contact with your friends?
  • Do you show up to work regularly?  Are you doing an okay job at work?
  • Is your home functioning to support your basic living needs?

True, there’s always room for improvement in some or all these areas but we often see people measuring themselves against a completely unrealistic standard of what they think they are “supposed” to be doing. Holding onto unrealistic expectations is setting yourself up to feel perpetually overwhelmed and underachieving.

In our modern world, with access to unlimited information and means to acquire things, many of us have raging expectations — wanting our homes to look like a magazine — wanting our bodies to age without showing — wanting our relationships to look perfect — wanting to avoid making mistakes — wanting to give our kids every opportunity for enrichment and advancement.

So, ARE you disorganized?

Like most of us, probably a bit. But it’s possible you’re being unrealistic and not appreciating how hard you’re working and how much you’re accomplishing every day.

Take a step back and savor the life you have, accepting what you have is “good enough.” You can still dream for “more and better.”

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Filed under Decluttering, General Organizing, home organizing, Perspective, Strategies, Time Management

Is Perfectionism Keeping You From Getting Your Literal House in Order?

Do you wish your books were perfectly organized?

Do you wish your books were perfectly organized?

We’ve asked our coaching colleague Wendy Edelstein of Changeover Coaching to share some tips.

Did you once aspire to have a home where there is no excess? You know, the kind that Marie Kondo describes in her best-selling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up in which there’s a place for everything – that you love – and unwanted items have been relinquished?

Perhaps you had a vision of an orderly, tranquil home when you began your tidying up project but are now frustrated and stuck midstream. To make matters worse, piles of partially sorted stuff remind you of your impasse.

As a coach who helps people perform better and become more productive, clients seek me out to meet their goals. Perfectionism, however, can be a real obstacle to moving forward.

Here are some suggestions:

Manage your project. Home organizing is a big project that can be overwhelming. Break it into manageable chunks. Marie Kondo suggests starting by pruning your wardrobe and then addressing categories such as books, papers, and personal mementos. If spending your stay-cation on tidying up is not your thing, designate 2-3 hour time blocks in your calendar to get the job done.

Practice self-compassion. If you’re a perfectionist (and I suspect that if you hear the clarion cry of organizing and decluttering, you may be among our number), go easy on yourself. Perfectionists tend to have very active inner critics. Reward yourself for each part of the project you accomplish.

Keep your goal front and center. Post images from magazines in each room that evoke how you want the room to look. Add words that represent the values you are honoring with this project (order, beauty, calm, for example) and paste them onto the image for inspiration.

Do it your way. At the risk of being heretical, Kondo’s method – which is pretty extreme – may not be your thing. Whatever works for you is perfect.

Get support. A professional organizer – or a coach – can help you navigate your project. Often, we perfectionists think there’s valor in going it alone. Admitting you would benefit from support might be just what you need to get the job done.

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Filed under Decluttering, disorganization, General Organizing, home organizing, Perspective, Strategies, Time Management